Loneliness to Lasting Love
By Barbara Lynn Allen
After several years of seeing others to help solve her
relationship problems, Sharon reluctantly came to see me. Her loneliness had driven her to try again with a
She still pined for her angry, immature former
boyfriend. Her last therapist had told her not to date at all. No wonder she was lonely. She was
thirty-seven and becoming desperate, feeling that time was running out. She challenged me to forbid her to see her
boyfriend again. I said "fine." Then she decided for herself not to see him again, finally trusting her own
instincts rather than being told what to do by yet another professional.
Then the real work of solving her problem began. She had
experienced abusive and cruel behavior from her mother's sadistic lover. Her father was a womanizer who didn't want
her to grow up. Other family members were equally unloving. One might wonder how she'd managed to survive. Sharon
had a strong spirit. She had her college degree, a good job, a house she liked, a car...on top of that she was very
attractive. So why was every relationship a disaster of abuse, lies and cheating?
Not everyone I see for relationship problems has such a
difficult background, but many have painful experiences, either in childhood or later that turn them away from the
loving relationship they really want. There is always a reason that can be discovered and resolved.
Other parts of Sharon's life were working well, but she was
unconsciously re-creating over and over the abusive treatment she had received from men in the past. She had no
other experience to draw on.
Her desire for change motivated her to participate fully in
the work that we did together, even though many of the methods we used were new to her, like muscle testing and
Thanks to Sharon's willingness to cooperate, we were able
to quickly clear the negative memories and emotions that were acting as an imprint on her subconscious mind. It was
almost as if she couldn't see a decent man, but only men who matched her inner belief system.
As her traumatic memories ceased to disturb her, I guided her to change her limiting
beliefs. And she started to "see" men in a different way. She truly didn't believe that she could be valued, or
loved, or that anyone would be faithful to her.
I started coaching her on dating. After a few false starts she met a kind and caring man
who wanted what she did...a home, a family, and a lasting relationship. They spent a lot of time together, but she
still wasn't convinced she was worthy. She had suspicions that he would cheat on her and lie about it.
Later, as they considered marriage, they came to see me together. I could see that he was
deeply in love with her, and wanted only her. Eventually as her ability to trust grew, she came to see this
If your relationship dreams have not come true, the key to resolution is to look inside
yourself. Are you harboring false or limiting beliefs? Are you carrying emotional wounds that haven't healed?
I know from years of experience with many, many people that there is always hope for
someone open to receiving help. Sharon is now happily married, they have a beautiful baby and her husband is more
in love with her than ever. This is a real life dream come true. It can happen for you, too! Just ask Sharon.
Copyright © 2015 Barbara Lynn